I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
