I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
