I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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