rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
