mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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