Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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