Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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