Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
