he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
