my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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