so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
