Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
