she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
