He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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