just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hippo gnu deer
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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