sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
