Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
