You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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