But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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