hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
