Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
