i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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