I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
