My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
