I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So many bounce houses so little time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
