You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
