You're a womanizer and a bitch.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
