i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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