atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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