Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
