I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
