Already got asked if we're dating
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
