Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
