i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
