He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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