The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
