i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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