Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
