don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
