Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
