I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
