Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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