Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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