Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
