dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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