I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
