I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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