How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
