did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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