Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
