Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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