Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
