I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
